I had that feeling when I woke up this morning that I’d been dreaming a lot last night. On mornings after disturbed sleep, I often have a headache. And so, after breakfast, I sent through my monthly report to Church Council and then drove out to see the large duck orchids and the cinnamon bells, and get some fresh air. I knew they would both be in flower, having seen them in full bud only last week. The weather was low cloud and drizzle – the kind that reminds me of home, and makes me happy and sad at the same time. After hiking through wet sand and mud to the familiar spots, I spent a few moments lost in quiet admiration at the beauty of nature, and thrill of uncommon things. Lost in wonder, love and praise, to steal from Wesley. Though, I’m not sure lost is correct – perhaps found in wonder, love and praise. Our encounters with the natural world – mountains, the ocean, animals, flowers or trees, even the wind – can open us up and connect us to life.
EE Cummings said, “may my heart always be open to little birds who are the secrets of living.” I love those words. They remind me of another poem by James Wright, in which he describes an encounter with some ponies. He says, “suddenly I realize that if I stepped out of my body I would break into blossom.” There is an undercurrent of joy and belonging and connection that won’t be contained within our bodies… Consider those words of Isaiah, “you will go out with joy and be led forth with peace, and the mountains and hills will burst into song before you, and all the trees of the field will clap their hands.” All of nature is alive with feeling.
I used to live with Jakey-dog. He loved the beach so much – seeing him run up and down for sheer joy, and living entirely in the moment was one of life’s biggest lessons for me, the perennial Mr. Anxious-to-a-fault. Tim Stead declares that “God is now!” – to be experienced now in each present moment. Not a distant theory or future possibility. God Is. Right now. I think nature knows it.
I don’t know what I was dreaming about last night that made me so restless and wake so thick-headed. I have flashes, but it’s all just out of reach. I have been reading both On the Road with St Augustine and Stephen Fry’s Odyssey so it’s no wonder if my sleep is charged with movement and travel and a longing for home. I know too that another orchid season is drawing to a close now for me, and doubtless that will be contributing somehow. There’s just one more late donkey to spot, and then that’ll be it for another year. You know, I can’t remember a season passing so quickly. Maybe that’s just my birthday talking: I’ll be closer to 60 than 50 for the first time in a matter of days. And those inevitable questions are forming a queue. Sure, I have an answer to each one, but that doesn’t stop them coming.
At Hope’s Café earlier in the week, we had a Low-Cost Living Fair, which was lively and well-attended. It was good to see people connecting and to feel that sense of community. I met a photographer at the event, who has traveled the world, even to war zones, capturing images of people and hearing their stories. He has been helping people to tell their stories. Diaconal, compassionate, humanitarian, essential work. I was so inspired by his passion.
I’ve just come home from dinner this evening with a longstanding friend who is an Anglican priest. We caught up with each other’s news of life and ministry, travel, the books we’ve been reading, and so on. For the second time in a week, I was inspired, this time by his devotion and commitment, and wisdom gained over the long-haul of faithful service.
These two encounters feel significant. I think of Jesus’ words, “where two or three are gathered in My name, I am there…” There was a resonance; God alive and present in the now. Like David Adam’s words: “Let my heart vibrate with your constant call.” It felt as if God was tapping my shoulder. Making me reflect on risk and passion and devotion in service.
It is exactly seven years and one day since I first stepped into Mobilong Prison with Kairos Prison Ministries. This was part of a steady and ongoing surrender to God’s will and directing in my life. That saw me give up paid work to become a full-time student and train as a chaplain. Those days felt bold, vital, joy-filled, connected – right where God would have me be. But can I say the same about these days? The moments of joy and connection and alignment – where are they found these days? Have I settled into something different than before? Where is the boldness I once had? What does boldness look like at Clayton Wesley? To quote David Adam again: is my heart vibrating with God’s constant call? Are we as a congregation vibrating with God’s constant call? Not in our memories of yesteryear, but in this moment. In the now, where God meets us.
I know that God is present to all these questions – I can hear Jacob saying, “surely the LORD is in this place, and I wasn’t even aware.” I can hear David saying, “where can I go from Your Spirit?” I can hear God declaring “before they call, I will answer…” Surely, God is present to the questions, and God will reveal the answers. All I need to do – all any of us need to do – is continue to be open and to listen. To continually surrender in each moment to His voice and will. I need to learn patience. And to be kinder to myself while I surrender to God and wait for answers. I think there are lessons too, in the seasons and in all of creation, if I look for them. Maybe there are lessons in birthdays and anniversaries too – not to look back all the time, but to experience what God is doing now, in this time. Paul talks about walking by faith, and not sight. That’s an answer. I loved Yvonne’s solo last Sunday of “I Surrender All.” The words, “I will ever love and trust Him, in His presence daily live.” That’s an answer too.
There’s an ancient poem that we sometimes sing as a hymn. God knows that this is my prayer for this time:
“Be Thou my vision,
O Lord of my heart,
naught be all else to me,
save that Thou art.
Thou my best thought,
by day or by night
waking or sleeping,
Thy presence my light.”
Scripture references: Is 55:12, Mt 18:20, Gen 28:16, Ps 139:7, Is 65:24, Is 43:19, 2 Cor 5:7.
“Lost in wonder, love, and praise” is from Love Divine, all loves excelling, by Charles Welsey
EE Cummings quote taken from Complete Poems 1904-1962
“A Blessing” is a wonderful poem by James Wright
Tim Stead quote is taken from “Mindfulness and Christian Spirituality”
https://www.ryancarterimages.com/blog is worth a browse
“Spiritual Practice” is from “Power Lines: Celtic Prayers About Work” by David Adam
“Be Thou my vision” original Gaelic 8th C, translated by M Byrne, and versified by E Hull.